Healing the Wounds...

Thinking over the last 10 plus years that I had been emotionally abused by Jaybe brings to mind the two methods of cooking a lobster. Bear with me. The two schools of thought differ in which is the more humane way. The first is that you bring a big pot of water to a rolling boil and drop the lobster into it. Some say that you can hear the lobster 'scream', but others insist this is just the sound of the body expanding inside the shell in the heat of the water. The other method is the one with which I identify after enduring the journey of a now defunct dysfunctional partnership. It goes as follows: one places the lobster in a big pot of tepid water and slowly turns up the heat until the lobster is dead and cooked. 'They' say that the lobster never even notices. How do 'they' know? Certainly, somewhere in their little crustacean brains they have to notice that they are dying, don't they? And if they have a little lobster friend in the pot with them, don't you think they would be turning to their buddy and saying, "Is it hot in here or is it just me?" and the pal would reply, "Now that you mention it, it DOES seem like was a lot cooler when we first got in."
I cannot pinpoint when the abuse started. I think that things changed once we moved in together and then again, shortly thereafter, when we had our wedding. The property damage didn't start until Brick was 6-8 months old, and it seemed, at the time, to be a one time incident related to his frustration of trying to help Brick go to sleep for the first time without me in the house. Reflecting back on that instance, I distinctly remember telling him to wait until I returned, and I would nurse Brick to sleep. I also remember his anger and competitiveness with Brick for my attention, and his
insane jealousy of my ability to calm Brick by simply putting him to my breast. He admitted that he wished that he, too, could lactate. At the time I thought it a sign of his wanting to be nurturing. Now I realize it was more of a sign of wanting to be the one in control, the one with the power.
I will write Custody !! (the sequel) sooner or later, but for now, I am tired.