End of the transition...

Yeah, so it is over. He declared by e-mail that I had too many issues for him to 'rescue' me. His evidence? My messy house. I informed Dude that my house is messy because I give my kids priority in my life. And that not only do I not need rescuing, I am stronger than he is, and also I would not accept his 'rescuing' of me. How very white of him. How very male of him. So now I realize that just like my ex, Dude is controlling. I just failed to pick up on it through e-mail, facebook messaging and over the phone. Hiding such a thing in person, however, is a bit more challenging.
The way he almost instantly bonded with my kids, and there I am feeling like Muriel Prichett in the Accidental Tourist where she is telling William Hurt's character not to get too close to her son, not to make him promises he can't keep. I feel the same way about Dude. Don't get close to my darling children. Leave them alone. Don't give them hope, don't strive to be a 'good role model', as you said you could be for them if you lived closer. This is another thing that I DID NOT ask you for. Yet another thing that you offer up to me on a silver platter as if it were a gift. Your free advice (controlling) your instant bonding with my boys (controlling), your judgment of me and my life due to my disorderly house (controlling). I am beginning to sincerely believe that men are nothing but controlling. I am done with my transition guy. What comes next? I take a couple of years off because by GOD if I wasn't gun-shy before. Crap. And he has this 'dirty little secret' that an ex of his blabbed. Of course I could VERY easily find out what it is, but do you know what? I don't care. Just as I no longer care for him. I feel nothing but relief that he is out of my life. i feel good that I can now concentrate on my life, my kids, without the distraction of making time to interact with this loser. It is so funny how easily he was able to pull the wool over my eyes. Me, the survivor, me, who believes that in love there is a learning curve and that I am on top of that learning curve. Apparently not. He put up a good front, telling me everything I wanted to hear. He was good. He was practiced, but then again, most of them are. Most of them have that 'charm' survival mechanism. They will say anything to relate to you, to worm their ways into your life, your heart. Then, and only then will they show their true colors. Then you are fucked. Pardon my language, but I think that is the only effective way of saying it. So yes, I dodged a bullet, and yes, I am grateful, but there is the little part inside me that glommed onto that hope. That little part is greatly disappointed. I will survive, I always do. And even though he lied to me and my perception of men is as bad if not worse than it was when I got to know him, I still hold on to one small glimmer of hope. I am not sure why.